Photo: David Stingle

Photo: David Stingle

Hi and welcome.

Your cateye looks good.

 

Chairwoman of the Ministry of Vegetables

Chairwoman of the Ministry of Vegetables

Moms are super dumb. Or so most 3-year-olds would say, specifically at dinnertime.

I've been blessed with three amazing eaters (the boys), and ever-so-slightly befuddled by one picky eater (my daughter). "Cut the grape tomato with a plastic knife," the online feeding therapist chirped over Google Hangouts. She instructed me to tell my daughter, "put the tomato close to your mouth. Is it cold or warm, smooth or lumpy, wet or dry? What does it smell like? Scrape your teeth against the tomato to get the tiniest amount of juice. Take the world's smallest bite..."

"Please, please, just eat it... and Jesus take the wheel," is more like what I said. Forcing another person to do virtually anything is generally indicative of malice. Unless mom is forcing you to eat your veggies.

"Tomatoes are dumb, mom."

"Right," said the headmistress of the Rojas Vegetable Ministry.

Most of the moms I know would agree that roughly half of a child's personality and preferences are born, not bred. So, my daughter's love of pasta and chocolate (and not much else) might just not be my fault. But, given that I had a dream last night about Whole Foods aisles stuffed with millions of different salted spices, I'm not sure why my culinary adventurousness didn't rub off on this one, especially since it most indeed did rub off on the other three.  (Brandi Glanville also made an appearance in this odd dream; Bravo TV fans will chortle.)

 

This is why I love VoxBoxes. That, and they're free.

 

They say if a pregnant mom consumes a flavor with enough frequency during gestation, be it tomatoes or hot sauce, the child is more likely to enjoy that flavor in life. Jalapeno Mom/Chairwoman of the Ministry asks you to witness Rafael, my teeny little eater of all things, at Dinosaur Bar-B-Que in Stamford, wolfing down a complex and spicy taco. Be still, my beating heart. And pass the hot sauce.

Rafa at Dinosaur BBQ in Stamford

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Rafael at Stamford's Dinosaur BBQ, engulfing a sophisticated taco.

 

So, it's no wonder that when my last two Influenster VoxBoxes showed up with tasty snacks, my boys had a field day, and none of them questioned my intelligence.

Behold:

 

And then, once they discovered more snacks therein, "I want one more" and "don't eat them all" were to be the subtitles:

 

And for the following Influenster VoxBox:

Crispy Green Crispy Fruit and Orgain Organic Protein Bars (from the first box at top) are both snacks I can generally get behind.

And for moments where desert (or bribing) is in order, the Duncan Hines "Perfect for Size 1" mini cakes/brownies/muffins take the hassle out of baking treats for kids. Because the Chairwoman of the Ministry of Vegetables needs to chill, and just roll with it on occasion, and sometimes a surprising new choice helps that happen. This is why I love VoxBoxes.

That, and they're free.

Influenster asks box recipients to splash a few hashtags here and there, which is a bit awkward (#CrazyForCrispyGreens 🙄). But, it's like somebody out there needs me, because they want to market to me. Is it odd that that totally makes my day?

Sometimes the boxes include the most random oddities (Burt's Bees Protein Powder? Gross -- stick to baby powder) and sometimes they instigate a new favorite (Sabra Guacamole Grab & Go).

Duncan Hines may not make an individual portion caramel cake that is as out-of-this world as my own Valentine's Day caramel cake, below, but mine certainly does NOT take 90 seconds to make. And that's nothing to sneeze at on a busy day.

 

 

 

Xx, Mom in Mascara

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

🙏🏼 Holy Grail 🙏🏼

🙏🏼 Holy Grail 🙏🏼

The Dark Night... Wait, For My Lips?

The Dark Night... Wait, For My Lips?